HORROR ON PARTY BEACH

Horror of Party Beach, Epilogue

Well, Bob thought that maybe the monsters were Republicans, and Charles thought it had to do with pickling the humans. Neither was close. But we do find out almost immediately that the monsters somehow feed off the blood, and then Beyonce screams as one of the monster's severed hands moves. They pour sodium on it and it dissolves. Sodium. As in salt. As in salt water. Which is where the monsters came from. The. Idiots. Well, Elaine is off traipsing over at Glenwood Quarry and Hank is speeding past Times Square, party beach is in Connecticut, so you got me on this geography-stuff. Well, everyone converges on the monsters and dump the sodium on them. Elaine was slashed on the leg and Hank comes to visit her in her bedroom. THE END. Also, you might note that I have been tearing the book apart as I scanned the pages. And yes I did, because I have my own pristine copy, along with THE MOLE PEOPLE follow-up. This one I bought for two bucks back in the day and it was missing a back cover and generally falling apart. But I did have the advert on the last page, but I have never seen a copy of SPACEMEN magazine. Anyhow, this is the end of HORROR AT PARTY BEACH week. Thank you and please come again.

Horror of Party Beach, Act IV

Things are picking up now. Even though there's a rockin' party with the Del-Aires, and two girls have just been mauled, a bunch of other gals have a slumber party. We see where this is going. Well, the monsters (yes, there are two of them now!), stumble to the door, but the girls think they are jocks from "Chi Si" and have placed a bucket of water on the door. (This is TAP WATER, and it is actually a clue as to how stupidly stupid this movie ends.) The monsters get the water dumped on them (Hint: Nothing happens!) And for Out Of Context Movie Lines, one of the girls asks "How'd you like our shower?" before a massive amount of sound effects set in. My favorite is CRUNCH. Does anything really make that sound? CRACK, maybe, or even SNAP. But crunch is like the Hulk clapping his hands to make Thor's helmet (with wig attached) and making the sound KRAKA-BA-THOOM!

But I digress. I've skipped more pages, two bitchy tourists get lost and yet a third monster eats them right in their convertible, a lone girls goes swimming and, well...then, my FAVORITE part of the film, the drunks, Jimmy and Ed. There was no real way to show this in the fumetti, but each gets into his own car and promptly crash into each other at two miles per hour. They go to ask for help, see the guy with his face torn off, and then get eaten, as well. By then, everybody is freaking out so much that they have an entire page devoted to people freaking out. Next: more sound effects!

Horror of Party Beach, Act III

When last we left booze hound Tina, she had just seen Mr. Vienna Beef. This film, as I said, is interesting for its camera angles and quick cuts, something you can see here, as Tina is evidently crying EEYOW! as blood streams down her leg. This looks (and sounds) more like me shaving on any given day of my life. As everyone runs to the scene, there's a shot of this creepy demonic child looking directly back at the camera. Seriously, it's right there.

The cops officially use the name Party Beach, so now we are in business. I decided to scan the next few pages simply because of the enormous amount of dialogue. All kinds of crazy subtext here. The doctor seems to think that since the monster is amphibian, they must check out all the watery lairs in the area, but then says "let's call it a day." I'm thinking this is Dr. Kervorkian's dad. Remember Hank's older sis, Elaine? Well, a black maid whom we will not see again slaps open the door to her bedroom to tell her some guy is downstairs, "it's that Hank Green." Wait a minute! Maybe Elaine isn't Hank's older sister after all!

Well, anyhow. after the doctor had called it a day and the cops evidently went to the party to hear the Del-Aires sing "You're Not A Summer Love," two chicks leave early. One hears something. They look around. Crickets chirp. And the camera cuts to Mr. Ballpark Frank. Tomorrow: More Newspaper Headlines!

Horror of Party Beach, Act II

I've skipped a few somewhat repetitive pages--if you recall, Tina dances for over six minutes--so we can get to the actual monster tonight. Well, the greasers show up, but nothing really happens from there. OK, I took notes here.

Oh, by the way, a few of you mentioned seeing this fumetti and/or not seeing the film. I had a VHS tape from maybe 1985 with HOPB following Elvis in GIRL HAPPY. Now, that would make a great fumetti, with the late Gary Crosby and the still-hot Shelly Fabares. Anyhow, I bought a DVD player about three years back, and remember that Flashback Weekend with me & Michael Berryman? Well, I purchased, all from the same guy, HOPB, EL TOPO, and Bobby the Mitch in THUNDER ROAD. Just try and figure out my taste in movies, Mr. Dealer Man, I dare you.

OK, Act II, like in all the Quinn-Martin Productions. You know, THE FUGITIVE, etc. Tina is, of course, still dancing. Then, out of nowhere, this blonde chick decides to jump through the fourth wall, and then it's back to Tina. Everyone dancing now, with a blonde in the upper corner having a dubious bikini bottom, if you ask me.

Hank's sister Elaine shows up and suddenly the camera is filming from between a girl's legs, and then Hank fights another guy who wants Tina to undress, OOF! UNH! THUD! WHAM! WHUMP! THUD! We know how this ended, with Hank weeping uncontrollably and peeing into the sand. After I saw ANIMAL HOUSE, I always thought of Hank as Greg Marmalard. (Note: I caught some of HOPB back in the late 70s, when we had FREAKKY FILMS on prime-time Saturday night, thanks to ABC.)

Well, during the brawl of sound effects, Tina wanders off to an outcropping of rocks to sulk. Or drink. Or sing. Who knows with her? And then, of course "emerging from the depths," the monster in all of his hot dog mouth monstrousness. And if you think Tina is screaming now, wait until you hear her screams in Act III. Plus, newspaper headlines!

The Horror of Party Beach, Scene I

Since my files are temporarily hiding within the catacombs of my computer, I have no photos to post. I had planned to scan these pages from THOPB, a picture book that was published along with THE MOLE PEOPLE whose name escapes me. I recall the cover from a stack of books my older cousin Dennis had back on Crystal Street. The monster on the cover looks way cooler than in the film, where he looks like he has hot dogs stuffed in his mouth. I'll offer the rundown. By the way, this was filmed near Norwalk, Connecticut. Okay, low-paid workers dump a drum into Long Island Sound. GUSH! Hank & Tina are confronted by bikers as they zoom along to Party Beach, and the two "show hem some dust," and continue on as the bikers go RRROARR. Tina is hitting the bottle, Hank preaches so much that when they get to the beach, she dances like JoAnn Worley on LAUGH-IN for OVER SIX MINUTES.Then,the Del-Aires play "Zombie Stomp" and everyone wiggles around like gutted fish.EVERYBODY TWIST! Then a cliffhanger. The greasers show up!

If You're Hairy, You Belong On A Motorbike!

I'll be posting photos from Flashback Weekend once I actually have the money to get the film developed. Took some new ones with Michael Berryman, one where we look like two skinny, bald sumos giving each other the stink eye. The man's generosity towards his fans never ceases to amaze me. I spent way too much money on DVDs, buying quite a bit of anime for my niece Ashley at decent prices (along with a Misfits concert from 1983 which I'm sure will win me a glare from her mom), and several winners for my own shelf. MUD HONEY is a Russ Meyers' film I saw on Turner Classic Movies back in the spring, and the best I can describe it is a mix of COOL HAND LUKE and most of my family reunions in Kentucky, EL TOPO, an odd little Mexican grindhouse film, and...if you're hairy, etc.,...WEREWOLVES ON WHEELS. All made between 1965 and 1972, the last scared me as a kid by the title alone, as we lived off Southwest Highway, and you'd hear bikers more often than Amtrak trains late into the summer nights. I bought two Universal Monsters shirts, one with Frankenstein alone, because the current one I have--which seems to be my Wayne Meets Mike Berryman shirt--smells like ink and is somehow taking on a different form, it fits one side of my torso in a lopsided way now. I also bought one other DVD, THE HORROR OF PARTY BEACH, which truly deserves a blog entry all its own.