Monday, February 25, 2008

I Wish I Had Candy Bars For Elvis, P.I.

I waited too long and by the time I drove past the old Colony Theater towards Rockwell, the place was already gone. Not a meth lab, not the place where they tortured The Black Dahlia. Nope, it was the place that had the lyrics for "Candy Bars For Elvis" by Barry Tiffin on an actual sheet of type-written paper. This guy is sleeping in the back of his pick up truck, curiously directly behind the back door to the RCA recording studio, when a man came out and gave hom twenty bucks to buy some candy bars for the King. Well, it turned the guy's life around, he got a job someplace, maybe he got married, I forget the idiotic and whiny details. But it gets better. See, this guy was recollecting the nadir of his life--much like I did recently, only this guy owned a truck and was in warmer weather--and in the present(1991, when the record was released), he laments that if could only see Elvis alive again he'd give him some...candy...sniffle...bars. To show you how little there is on this song, I put Jonny Algiers on the job, he went to ElvisPedia and found this:

Candy Bars For Elvis
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Candy Bars For Elvis is a bootleg on the Mongoose label, released in 1991.

So I wasn't making that part up. Oh, and the best line of that Private Eye song was that "he met more chickies than a Girl Scout leader," and that's downright creepy, if you think about it...Wayne

Private Eye, Part 2

I Wish I Was A Private Eye Jonny Algiers, P.I. I once planned to write a whole slew of stories about the guy but in the past decade I've had him fight a talking chicken and tell a gushy tale about this brunette on the bus some guy named Indelli hooked him to. Sometimes I think of my original instinct, to go with INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS--but it fell out differently. My cousin Dan Szostak took these photos on about the hottest day of the summer of 04. I've mentioned in the past that most of what I'm wearing belonged to the late Marvin Melone. I had hoped to find a Google image of the Algiers Motel in Chicago--now the Aloha Motel with the words incredulously inside a giant apple--but no luck. So I saved the best of the art deco and flat-out crazy that I found. So why this post? Lana emailed me that she fixed that broken cassette, and the first song is called "Private Eye." All the dollies love a private eye...and you get to hang out with Kooky Byrnes solving capers everywhere..." There are songs on that cassette that I can't even find in the most obscure places, past their existence on Google. On that note, I'll sign off, not mentioning this other song on the cassette called "Candy Bars For Elvis." Yes, for real.

I Wish I Was A Private Eye