Sunday, May 25, 2008

Loose Ends On Lost Friends

Before I get back to my light holiday reading, I need to follow up on my cryptic email about losing a friendship because of, believe it or not, this very blog. Several people emailed or commented about the identity of this "B-movie actress" asnd I replied anti-Vampira. Imagine Vampira if she had swallowed Abe Vigoda whole. Yea, there you go. Never mind ten, fifteen years ago, when this woman basically caused a rift between my friend--I'll now have to call him Rumpelstilskin Wojiehowicz--and his family over, well, lots of things. One of my friends in Ty--, um, the biggest city on the third planet from Proxima Centauri recalled the various times I had mentioned the many times ol' Rumple and I had to cancel plans because his wife found some lame-ass excuse to keep him home. (The guy is one of the most patient people I know on this Earth.) Well, the Bride of The Mummy started a neuropathy clinic in the rich suburb of Naperville awhile back and is now trying to get grants, and if you Googled her get the idea now. Three mentions in over 200 posts, all involving Chicago history or our shared history. Somehow, the Witch Queen of New Orleans thinks that she will be denied grants if someone sees the Frankenstein1959 blog and was already sputtering the way only monsters can sputter about going to court. So I spent the week removing my friend's name from the blog labels, removing all ties to our friendship at the same time. Thanks to The Wasp Woman, I'll have to call all of you by different names now, as well. Xenophanes Girdleberg will now be Sid Williams, Grendel Ellis will be James Robert Smith, Cherry Poptart will be Steve Malley, Clint Barcode will be Mike Fountain and on down the line. I used to have such a colorful buddylist. OK, OK, I'll even change Wendell Whitebread to Charles Gramlich. All to placate some hag that pours acid down the hollowed out pumpkin head of every person she meets.


Sidney said...

I was just glad to find out it wasn't Tiffany Shepis.

HemlockMan said...

Grendel Ellis!! I love it!

Alas. Bitches. So much more cat-like than ruthless bastard assholes.

I am reminded of a certain mildly talented comic book artist who hates all women. Better he never see these posts.

Charles Gramlich said...

As they say in Arkansas: "Some folks is jest hateful. But when rendered down they make purty good fat to greaze an axle."

Lana Gramlich said...

I love "The Onion!"

Steve Malley said...

I was gonna say, Wasp-women be damned, you can use *my* name.

Then I found out I get to be Cherry Poptart! WooHoo!!!!

Michael Fountain: Blood for Ink said...

I always kinda had a thing for Cherry's mom, myself. I started to object to the changing of "Clint Barton" to "Clint Barcode", being against all things barcoded, then I thought, wait a minute, it's an ironic code name, yeah, how fiendishly clever...

Gale: Okay! This is a robbery. Everybody freeze. Everybody down on the ground.
People in the bank: [Look puzzled]
Spokesman for people in bank: Well which is it young fella--you want I should freeze or get down on the ground? Cuz if'n I freeze, I can't likely drop. And if'n I drop, I'm gonna be in motion.
Gale: Shut up!
Evelle: Everybody get down on the ground. You can forget all about freezing until you're down on the floor, right Gale?
Gale: How many times do I have to tell you not to use my name? Can't you even try to remember that?
Evelle: [Pause] Not even your CODE name?
Gale: Oh yeah. My code name. Hear that everybody? We's using CODE names.
(Raising Arizona)