Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Musk, Hashish, and Neil Diamond

It seems as if the Middle Eastern book went over well with those who emailed me. I did forget to post this cover, with such a clever play on words. I don't really have anything to post as follow-up, but for this strange little piece by someone named Daniel when I Googled Burbank, Illinois a few nights ago. Yea, one would think I'd be doing something productive, like writing sonnets about sweet, sweet octopus love. But I wasn't in the mood. And here you go, the nameless story, and I am by all means not mocking the prose, simply giving it new life...Wayne PS As strange as some of my blog entries about the south suburbs have been, I don't think anything like the following could have escaped my attention. Unless it happened while I, ah, Jonny Algiers was at Whiskey A Go-Go or downstate investigating the earthquake...

My name is Daniel it all started as cold day In Burbank, Illinois I had just came
from A sports shop and Had bought myself a Nine Millimeter Pistol, I sat down on my couch and set the gun on My coffee table, I turned on the television and was watching The X-files On FOX, I had Always watched the X-files and seen every episode but this one happened to be one of My favorites, I watched for about an hour when Nature called and went in the bathroom, When I came back a Special news report saying Attacks on random Civilians in New York City, I continued to watch the news on this Event. It was reported that it could have been a Religious cult Wreaking havoc on a large scale. The news Reporter Had turned to a Hospital with one of these random acts with a man bleeding from his right hand, He said “I seen this guy lying on the road and seemed to be very still, so I got out of my car and Walked over to him and reached down to see if he was okay when he grabbed my hand And Bit me, I ran back to my truck and he got up and started banging on my window, I Noticed he seemed to have his throat ripped out by a rabid dog but couldn’t have possibly Have Lived through it, so could have it been some kind of Voodoo or witchcraft going on Here” The news Reporter had reported about 10 dead in New York Possible, but not from
Bites but Casualties from Law enforcement that had to neutralize these people who had Been bitten, Collapsed, and have had Immediate Homicidal aggression. Religious Beliefs Had not been called in order for this Epidemic but Many People say so. The news reporter Talked about what to do when he put his hand on his ear Piece and said “I'm just getting a Report of States besides New York with this Violence with the same Homicidal Aggression, No further casualties have been reported but the numbers could Increase if the Police couldn’t handle it” I didn’t think much of it, More of a Riot in new York that wasn’t really a concern of mine so I went into my room and went to sleep.I woke up to my Alarm clock with the radio with a man yelling "There’s Blood everywhere, there’s bodies! Oh my god its everywhere! People in the streets are Literally dying by the hundreds! A huge group of Homicidal Cannibals Throughout New York The entire city is a war zone, The NYPD had paid all the gangs in new York to assist the police with Marijuana and money I see hundreds of men shooting these Cannibals but The only thing that seems to affect them is to shoot them in the head, Shoot them in the body it will slow them down but they'll just get right back up! I quickly got dressed and went to my TV and turned on the news, Many Army men were standing around With hundreds of bodies lying around everywhere, The Commander of the men walked up to the camera Man and said “With all my experience in the Military, I have never seen something such as this, The death count in new York Is around 3 million, No disaster in The united states has ever even came close to this, We Have just destroyed the bridge to New York for not only our safety but your own, Still even with all these bodies lying everywhere There is still thousands of cannibals swarming the city, we’ve set up a barrier here at Grand central station and are holding tight, We have plenty of supplies and Ammunition but I don’t know what’s going to happen, I also have ten sharp shooters on top of the buildings with Literally hundreds of Rounds of ammunition but still no matter how much they kill there seems to be no end to these Monsters” A woman walked up to the commander and said “Do you have a Comment on who these people are, Possibly maniacs or some kind of Religious cult?” The officer sighed and said “I’m not quite sure on
What these things are, But I’m saying they could be the living dead, or Zombies if you will”The Woman said “Zombies, What could have Caused this?” The commander shrugged and said“some kind of Virus, Maybe some Nuclear waste…But I really have No clue” The woman Nodded And Said “well, your right This happened so fast and there is a chance of Containing these what Could Possibly be the living dead, All I have to say is Stay in your homes, Block all doors and windows and Sit tight until The Military arrives, If the Military arrives Of course, If not stay in your homes and secure any Firearms.” I turned the Television off and I felt a tingle go down my spine, I picked up my Nine Millimeter And Looked out my window, Nothing seemed to be Strange except there was Nobody on the streets and Was Deathly quiet. I Looked at my neighbors house and His curtain was closed but I could see his shadow. I saw him hang his head down low and Put something to his head, Then a Bang and a flash I closed my curtain and sat down on my couch, Shocked at the sight of my neighbor Committing Suicide. I turned my television back on and changed the news channel, He said that we urge you not To Commit suicide, We have received reports about Many suicide cases for this Epidemic, most likely They didn’t want to live through the fear of this, Or didn’t Want to become one of them. I turn my television off and went to my door, I looked out the wall eye and nobody was there still, Just a dead silence and a Slight breeze rustling in the trees. I opened my door and looked out with the wind blowing in my ear and Did Not see a soul in sight, Not even the slightest man made noise, Like as if I was the last person on Earth. In my neighborhood Gangs like “the kings” would be Stalking me about now, they had Been haunting me since I moved here, And I was planning to move anyway. I loaded up my clip for my handgun and went outside to see if the Infection had spread to my Area, I Got in my car and rolled up all the windows, I went slowly in reverse to make as little noise as
possible In case that some of those monsters had been hiding In between the houses. I looked down at my shifter and popped it into Neutral when I heard someone jump on my hood I quickly looked up and it Was a Man covered in blood Dressed in Kings attire, And he made a noise I would never forget, It was some kind of Loud screaming groan, I slammed on the gas and he fell and rolled over the Top of my car and onto the road behind me, I looked in my rearview mirror at him chasing me, “Man those
things can really move!” I thought to myself. I went like 5 miles into the city where I saw People screaming And running for their lives a Police officer stopped me at a roadblock and pointed his shotgun at me I raised my hands and told him not to shoot me and I wasn’t one of them! I got out of my car and said “what is happening here, are these monsters zombies?” the police officer looked at me like I was and Idiot and he Said “We cant confirm they are zombies yet, But I think they are some kind of Religious cult” The man Handed me a 12 gauge shotgun and a belt of shells, Then told me to come with him, He led me behind a police Barricade and took out a megaphone. He put the megaphone to his mouth and Yelled “If there Are any survivors Come to the Police Barricade with your hands up, we wont hurt you and we can take you to a Temporary shelter.” We waited about five minutes when a man with long brown hair A zigzag shirt and blue jeans spattered in blood, came out of a building with his hands raised. I caught a glimpse of a glint on top of a building, A sniper then came on the cops Radio “should I take him out?” The cop put the radio to his mouth and said “no, he seems to not be one of them, but he is covered in blood so keep an eye on him, Ok?” The sniper gave the officer A Big 10-4 on that and the man walked to the barricade. The officer walked over and said “Are you hurt?” The man was very shaken, And didn’t say anything and Just shook his head. The police officer Inspected him In case he was lying. He police officer sighed and said “Ok have a seat” The man walked over with A blank stare and sat down next to me, I smiled at him and said “Hello, I’m Daniel, what is your name?” He looked at me and slowly opened his mouth and out came a raspy voice that said “..Just..call me Hyro” The cop walked over to us and said “In the back of the truck is some Weaponry, That I hope you can use, we need all the help that we can So grab as much as you can” the cop Handed hyro a towel and wiped most of the blood off himself and met me at the back of the truck. He grabbed a .308 High velocity rifle with a Shell holder on the butt, a Nine Millimeter with a leg strap with extra clips and finally an M-16 with a belt of clips. I got a holster for my Nine Millimeter and put it on my belt with a leg strap for extra clips, I got a gun strap for my shotgun and grabbed a small Sub machine gun with a belt of clips. The cop said “Here comes one, Hyro can you take it out with your rifle?” Hyro nodded and flipped the scope cap off and clicked on the laser, hyro put down the tripod and stood very still biting his tounge and right before he pulled the trigger he said “Wow this one looks like Micheal Moore, Hey
daniel come look at this!” I looked over and sure enough it was I laughed and Hyro went back and BANG! Even though he shot it through the head it was walking at us as if nothing happened He shot it again and still nothing, The cop said “Oh my god! Its too big the rifle does nothing!” “Looks like Ill have to take Drastic measures, He opened the trunk of his Squad car and took out a Bazooka, He pointed it and Fired,
He took a couple steps back from recoil and it Did sort of a Swirl toward it then KABOOM! Guts flied all over the street covering cars completely. The cop Laughed like a Retard and said “Go boom!” He smiled and put the bazooka back in his Trunk. About three Hours passed of Picking off zombies until the radio came on and said “I need to meet you across the city, There’s a Helicopter there to get out of this city“ the cop looked at us and said “We have to walk because there is too much Debris in the road” I sighed and loaded up my clips and grabbed an Extra machine gun, holstered one and held the extra, also grabbed as much ammunition as I could. Then hyro grabbed two Sub machine guns and held on in each hand, and the cop just had a shotgun. We crossed the police Barrier and there was a dead silence with Hundreds of bodies full of Holes Lining the streets. I looked at Hyro and said “You think we’re going to make it?” Hyro shrugged and said “well who knows, if its as bad here as in the rest of the United states I really don’t know But its worth a try
getting Through this god forsaken city.” I nodded and kept walking. About Ten Minutes later about 10 zombies turned the corner and Had charged at us Hyro drew his Sub machine guns and took out 4 of them I had taken my shotgun and blew two heads off and shot two with my machine gun and the cop blew the last two heads Off. I sighed and cocked the empty shell out of my shotgun and loaded it up again, Also with my sub machine gun. We continued through the city hearing screaming and dark figures moving about in the buildings. A zombie turned the corner and charged at me I pointed my gun but it was too late, I was already trying to wrestle It off of me when I was able to grab my sidearm and put a round in his left temple, I pushed the body Off of me and it fell down like a rag doll, I wiped the blood off my face from the spatter and said “what a rush” Hyro Apologized because he said “I didn’t want to miss and accidentally hit you” I agreed with him And we went on our way. About another five minutes later we heard gun shots around the corner, We all Ran to where the gunshots were coming from and saw a horrible sight, I couldn’t tell how many there were Ten thousand, one hundred thousand, Maybe even a million. They were behind a police barricade shoulder To shoulder like a Neil Diamond concert.