Sunday, December 27, 2009

Pain Grin Again

I hope this works tonight, I tried it yesterday, but that's the way the mop flops, baby. (OK, the video will not post, so here are still shots from purgatory.) I'm reading PAIN GRIN on YouTube, just to do it. 100 seconds each. PAIN GRIN is a chapbook illustrated by Harry Fassl, rest his soul. The actually idea comes from a line from "Suicide Is Painless", the theme from Robert Altman's M*A*S*H. The sword of time will pierce our skin, it doesn't hurt when it begins, but as it works its way on in, the pain grows stronger, watch it grin. Gang, I still feel like shit. No getting around it, but at least I'm back to the dog-paddling with my nose above water. I bite that piece of skin between your thumb and forefinger. I revel in the sight of two fingers typing, though it makes my back feel like there is are shovels under my shoulder blades and the bastard who created me is pressing down on both shovels, like my bones and tendons are graveyard dirt.

My hair is growing out, but it curls in the back. This is because my head flops back so often that the skin in my neck folds. I've checked on that and I can feel where the hair would normally lay straight. When I was younger, my Frankenstein head would swivel to the right, and I never realized how hideous I looked until I saw videos of panels I was on at a convention in Nashville, 1991. Now it falls straight back, I feel like one of those monkeys on a plastic stand, remember those? You press the bottom of the stand and the various monkey parts move around, you can see the strings that connect the body move. Arms wide, head back cursing his creator. No, wait. That's me. I'd rather be a Frankenstein string puppet. Press the bottom and the arms move like the Monster Me is trying to wave away the flames of the fiends by torchlight. And the only way to do that is for the Monster Me to jump into that water that doesn't ice over in winter. Bubbly Creek, my salvation. Sleep with the rendered flesh a century old. Or I could just stomp the string puppet to pieces. More lines from M*A*S*H, these a bit butchered. A wise man once requested me, to answer questions that are deep, is this to be or not to be, and I replied oh why ask me? I suppose that's me grimacing the words as I stare at the ceiling uncontrollably, string monkey Monster Me popping in and out and up, entertainment for the coming decade. Somebody please stomp on the puppet.


Hey, guess what? I am able to afford my meds again, the price dropped a bit. No more $29.00 a week for 7 tablets. I did pretty good staying above water for the last ten days or so. Radio silence over here as I thought about the past and how Buddy handled things with that noose out in Victorville. For right now, I'm on the alternate Earth where I'm hardly hurting at all and my long thoughts are on the up and up. Also, on this alternate Earth, they never tore down Jimmy Wong's Cantonese food, as you can see in the above photo. On this Earth, its a goddamn parking lot.