Monday, April 23, 2007

The Scar Back Then Still White





I'm starting to use future titles from my commonplace book--the term for notebook in Karl Edward Wagner's honor, Sid maybe you'll take the weight after I'm in the wind--because at least they will be on the blog for others to get inspiration. "Still Crazy, After All These Fears." All yours. I'm being generous. I have started a purge, spending the last day decimating my bookshelves, losing one for every ten. Minor things along with the desecrated books went to the Salvation Army this morning. The books are in the crawlspace, my room is almost barren. This keyboard echoes like an electric typewriter, though the sound might just be that of my Frankenstein fingers. Today I had to post that Far Side cartoon, one of Gary Larson's best efforts. It sums up my every move when it comes to make anything work on a daily basis, my body keeps waking up every day, is what it is. Damned if I open my eyes, the same goes if they stay sewed shut. I always thought a noble death would be like Hartigan's, the Bruce Willis character in SIN CITY, instead, I wear pads on my back and neck that cause my skin to burn but I really don't give a fuck because I want to keep writing, whether this, my somewhat private notes to my somewhat private friends, or in the stories I need to write like "When It's Said And Done." I honestly think that once I finish CITY WITH NO SECOND CHANCES there will be no more me. I keep putting the novel off, but my mental state is so so so close to Frank St. Cyr's that his soul is bleeding inside me. I will write the story I mentioned above--about what would be my last trip home to Shelbyvbille, Kentucky--then continue in this barren room that is my body and my brain. Thanks for listening. Your chattel, Wayne

8 comments:

Steve Malley said...

Sometimes I worry for you, my blogfriend. But then I believe that once you finish CITY, you'll rest a short time and find a new challenge nibbling at the ol' brainstem....

etain_lavena said...

You are my Mentor in so many ways, not just in writing, but in my journey. Funny how the universe know who to end at exactly the right time.....and what these ppl will mean to each other. Please stop saying when you are no more...the mere idea makes my eyes swell with tears......but I know what you mean.....
HUGZ, maaikie:)

Charles Gramlich said...

I like the Far Side Cartoon. Sometimes he was too accurate for his own good, or mine, or yours. Our bodies keep waking up every day is a good way to put it. But it's good to know that friends are awake too. Good to see your posts and know your still here, picking another door to walk through this day.

Sidney said...

Hang in there, amigo. Just keep an eye peeled over that shoulder for the angels. If you see them coming they can't take you too soon.

tkkerouac said...

Do you take on the soul of your characters?

kuroshii said...

hang in there...

::hugs::

Yvonne Navarro said...

Don't plan on going anywhere. You don't want me coming after you.

HemlockMan said...

Don't toss out too much stuff. A few years ago I discovered (very late in life, yes) Jack Kerouac and The Beats. I suddenly became very ashamed of much of what I had been reading much of my life and most of what was on my bookshelves. So I went through and started boxing stuff up with the idea of selling it all and tossing what I couldn't sell. I sold off all of my collectible books in short order (the idea of having books that are not supposed to be touched, much less read, is now an insane concept to me). In the end, I realized that there was much beauty in the silly fantasy, sf, and horror fiction that I was getting ready to shitcan, and so I returned much of it to my bookshelves.

Thank the Twelve Gods.